I can't do it. I thought I could, I really did. I was wrong of course. When have I ever been right about anything? That knife's edge I thought I could sit on is sharper than I could've ever imagined, and it cuts deep, so painfully deep. Everything I told myself I would avoid I've started to do, in small ways at first, but my mistakes are growing and occurring more often with depressingly disastrous results. I just can't do this, because I know what's going to happen. Nothing. All this effort, all these emotions, and biding my time is going to end up destroying me. She's not going to dump him, he will never dump her, and I will be left standing alone, again. I just need to give up. Give up on this ridicules campaign of finding someone to be with. No one will elect for the job and I don't consider myself worthy enough of most people to go after them. I just need to stop. Accept that I will always be alone, give up the hope of finding someone who will love me despite my flaws, because no one will, ever. I don't know why I ever thought this would work in the first place. Blind optimism is the only reason I can think of, unfortunately optimism like people will only let you down and crush your mind, body, and soul.
Ugh Fuck Everything
and you, you stupid bitch
I love you
I hate you
I hate that I love you
I hate that you will never love me
I want you
You think sex with me is laughable
Fuck Life
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